Sensible Heart
by St.John
Summary: Marauders-era. After the full moon has passed. Pre-slash.


Not a whole lot to say about this one... (Wow! That's a change for me!)

The title is from a song by City and Colour of the same name.

un-beta'd (I really need a beta for this fandom [offers/recommendations/sacrifices?]), feel free to point out errors

reviews/concrit/jokes/etc?

Hi Brenda, Chet! (just in case they read this lol [long story])

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The change was harsh. It always was. The change to wolf was bad enough, but the animal instinct was able to overpower most of my human feelings of remorse and horror. The change back however, it left me breathless, and aching, and wishing for a swift death.

I rolled onto my side so I was facing the wall, turning away from my friends on the opposite side of the room. I resisted the urge to curl into a ball and weep. I didn't want them to see me like that.

"Moony," James said, "Alright, mate?" the worry in his voice was evident, but he still made his best attempt to hide it, to act as nonchalant as possible.

"Yeah." my voice was hoarse and scratchy, my throat dry. A night of frantic, pained howling would do that to you. I'd noticed that my voice had altered since I was bitten; not just the normal changes that a boy's voice will go through, but it got rougher, like a singer's 'cigarettes and whiskey' voice would. I swallowed before continuing, "Just go back without me, I'll catch up with you in a minute." I told them. I needed to be alone for a minute or two, needed the freedom to drop the mask I kept up.

"You sure?" James asked. I simply nodded in reply, not trusting myself to speak again; it hurt too much, mentally and physically.

"I don't think we should," I heard Peter whisper, "Look at him.". I cringed, a wave of nausea passing over me. I didn't want them to look at me, I just wanted them to leave.

"He said-" James began.

"Exactly," Sirius cut him off, "he said to go." I could hear them shuffling through the tunnel, heading back to the school.

I breathed a shuddering sigh of relief, and pushed myself up so I was sitting. I stretched my limbs and flexed all my fingers; the change always left me feeling like my bones were all out of place. Then I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering a little; I noticed the cold now more than I had all night.

"Here." I started as I felt something being placed around my shoulders. I turned my head to see Sirius standing just behind me, covering me with his robe. He sat beside me, running his hands up and down over my upper arms, trying to bring some warmth to me.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"Don't mention it." he gave small grin.

"You didn't leave." I stated emptily. I wasn't surprised, he'd never been much good at listening to rules, or orders and the like.

"No, I got them as far as the Whomping Willow, and then told them to go on ahead." I had no response to this. I knew he meant well, he just wanted to make sure I was really okay. He more than anyone was able to read me, able to see through my lies. He was always the most understanding out of all of them about this. Even when they had first found out, Sirius had been the first to truly accept it.

"_Don't worry, Remus, we'll do whatever we need to do. We'll help, right?" he had turned to Peter and James, and they had nodded, but I had been able to see their doubt so clearly. Sirius though, Sirius with his bright smile, and the promise shining in his eyes had given me a kind of hope, and made my heart jump uncertainly._

"Tonight was worse for you, wasn't it?" he said softly. I bit my lip and nodded. I peered at him from the corner of my eye, and saw him doing the same.

"Yeah," I cleared my throat, "Yeah, it was." he didn't say anything, but his fingers crept over my lap to reach for my hand. He ran his thumb back and forth over my palm comfortingly. I couldn't help the thrill that came along with him touching me, as much as I might want to.

"It was this night." I told him, and he looked at me questioningly, "This night, all those years ago that I was bitten." I explained.

"Oh, Moony, I didn't know." there was a wealth of emotion that came with his words, washing over me. I just shrugged.

"I never told you."

"You should have, you know." he said matter-of-factly. "You can tell me these things, Remus. You can tell me anything." he turned towards me, and searched my face. He released my hand, only to brush my hair back from my face. He cupped my cheek and ran his thumb over one spot, likely cleaning off a bit of dirt. "I really wish you would." he whispered. Looking directly back into his eyes, I could see that he was being perfectly honest, as he always had been with me.

"I-" I wasn't sure what I was going to tell him, I just knew that I needed to say something. "Sirius, I-"

"Shhh," he cut me off, "you don't have to say anything right now." I paused before giving a small nod, showing him that I understood what he was saying. I had plenty of time to tell him, the conversation would keep for another day.

"Come on, "he said, standing and pulling me up to my feet. "They'll be thinking the Willow got us." he pulled his robe tighter around my shoulders before wrapping his arm around my waist to help support me; I was still so weak.

"Sirius?" I placed my arm over his shoulders, needing him to help hold me up more than I wanted to admit to, but also relishing and fearing being held so close to him.

"Yeah?" he replied. When he turned to look at me, it moved his face so close to mine, near enough that all I would have to do is lean in a little and-

"Thank you." His arm tightened around my waist, pulling me even closer to him yet, drawing me into a sort of half-hug.

"It's my pleasure."


End file.
